Try these 5 things to be a sexier spouse!

Being attractive is something that dominates our thoughts collectively.  Our culture seems obsessed with trying to look younger, fitter, better dressed, better accessorized or better employed not because these are good things in themselves but because they make us more attractive to the opposite sex.  

It is neay impossible to check out of the grocery store without being bombarded  by magazine cover stories that promise the secret answer to the all-important question, “How can I be more desirable?”  Women’s magazines or  men’s magazines, it doesn’t seem to matter.  The old adage, “sex sells,” certainly seems to be true, judging by the magazine covers.  

The Internet is filled with articles like this as well.  Click bait, as it is often called, leads to articles which are often only thinly veiled sales programs for supplements, intimate toys or some other solution that promises to solve the problems of boredom in the bedroom and missing marital bliss.

And today I’m guilty of it, just as much as the next writer!

But hopefully you will discover that, while my approach may be the same old same old, perhaps the information I share is less sensational and more substantive with an eye to crafting better relationships.  You see, I think the sexiest individual is one who forms a meaningful connection with their partner.  So, here are 5 things to help men become sexier to their spouses.

1.  Do the dirty jobs.  Taking a cue from Mike Rowe, take the time to do the truly dirty and disgusting jobs around the house.  Clean the toilet, if not the whole bathroom.  Take out the garbage.  Vacuum a room or two.  Do a load of laundry, including her laundry.  And do this regularly, gladly,   And if possible without being told.  This is a measure of shared responsibility and can go a long way to helping your spouse feel like you are her partner, not simply her provider or protector who must be cared for.  And partnership is sexy.

2.  Listen while she speaks.   Not when, while.  Women and men process information differently, as multiple studies and books have indicated.  For many women, speaking is a useful processing tool. Regardless of male or female, when an individual speaks the things that are going around inside the mind, they become more real.  It allows the speaker to evaluate the sanity or craziness of the thoughts, both those leading up to the the thought and the thought itself.  But keep in mind, this is for the benefit of the speaker.  Any nearby listeners are not expected to comment on the thoughts unless invited.  Listen, but wait to be invited before contributing. 

3.  Touch her in loving but non-romantic ways.  After several years, much of the touching between a husband a wife seems to move into one of two categories.  It is either the incidental and perfunctory touching necessitated by sharing space or the habitual goodbye-don’t-forget-your-keys-see-you-later daily life or the hasty and less than frequent romantic touching because the kids are asleep early for the night. These are both healthy, to be sure.  However, my own experience has shown that other types of touching, like holding hands in the car, giving a full and somewhat lingering hug or a spontaneous and short rub of the shoulders when she is feeling tense can be valuable.  They can go a long way to letting her know you are concerned for her, as a partner and person, and not just as a sexual partner when the opportunity arises. 

4.  Notice what she does.  This is reminiscent of the first suggestion, and may give you ideas of the dirty jobs that you should do.  Have you ever looked to see what your spouse does through the day?  Whether she works a full time job or not, she is likely the most involved between the two of you in the tasks of keeping house.  Frequently a simple “Thank you,” when she has done some menial and routine task can go a long way to helping her know that you value her contributions to your shared home life.  And a person who knows their contributions are valued is more likely to feel valued personally as well.

5.  Tell her you love her, often!  Not just after a romp in the sheets.  Not just as you leave for the day, as a quick “luv you!” And not just with cute emojis.  Those are all good and fine, but they shouldn’t be the only times that a wife hears her husband say “I love you.”  She should hear it often, regularly, and in a meaningful way.  It should be something that we say not just out of habit, but thoughtfully and with gratitude, as a way of acknowledging that she has chosen to spend her life with you as her most priceless gift.  And if she hears you talk about loving a sports team or a car or a favorite power tool more than she hears you say how much you love her, you may not seem as sexy to her as you used to.

These are just a few ideas.  There are more.  Books and articles abound on the topic, as I mentioned earlier in this post.  But these just might be a good starting point.  And unlike most of the rest of the suggestions that you see around the Internet, they won’t cost you a dime!

Go Forth and conquer love your spouse.