Extending the Holiday Season

One of my favorite Christmas songs is “The Secret of Christmas.” Are you familiar with it?

The little gift you send, on Christmas Day

Will not bring back the friend, you turned away

So may I suggest, the secret of Christmas

It’s not the things you do, at Christmas time

But the Christmas things you do all year through

I think for me that sums up how I feel about the season. We’ve all experienced it. During the holiday season, the people you wait in line with aren’t nearly as aggravating. Total strangers will open doors and smile and give you a pleasant greeting. When you drop items people are right there ready to help you pick them up. It seems that, no matter the setting, people are kinder, more patient and more pleasant during Christmas time.

And then most of us go back to being solidly within our own little world as soon as New Year’s has come. Why is that? If we appreciate the little kindnesses and graciousness of people during the Christmas season, why can’t we keep it with us any longer than one month out of the year.

This year I think I’m going to try something different. I’m going to try to extend the Christmas season and little bit. I’m not going to do anything particularly grand, like leave the tree and decorations up (though I think there’s nothing wrong with that) I’m just going to do two things to try to stretch out the season.

First, I’m going to keep candy canes around. If there is a more universal symbol of the holidays, I’m not sure what it might be. The candy cane is recognizable, consumable, and eminently affordable. It is symbolic on many levels and, perhaps most important, it is almost impossible to eat one without smiling! In my mind, candy canes are an easy way to extend the season.

The second is likely to draw a little more attention.

Like many people, I have a collection of hat and lapel pins. I started collecting them years ago around special occasions and activities. One of the pins that I have been given is of a Santa hat. It is a hat pin, but could easily be worn on a lapel for a suit or on a pocket of a dress shirt. It can be worn on a jacket, sweater or vest without seeming out of place. It is a little thing, but it is an intentional thing. I’m going to wear that Santa hat pin as often as I reasonably can. And when people ask me about it, I will simply share with them that line from “The Secret of Christmas,” and let them know that I am trying to do Christmas things all year through. And then I will wish them a Merry Christmas.

I think some people will be taken aback by my plan. I think I will find some people choosing to take offense at my actions. I think some will wonder if I have taken leave of my senses. But if I can keep myself in the holiday spirit, perhaps I can be an influence for kindness and patience in the lives of those around me. And that is certainly worth any little efforts that I might have to make.

What do you think of my plan? Feel free to leave comments below.

Go Forth and Conquer!

Creating substance through traditions

Are you looking to bring some more substance to your holiday observance?  Consider the traditions that you observe.  

Like many other people that I know, I observe a lot of traditions with the advent of the holiday season.  My family and I celebrate Christmas and the New Year with fervor and gusto!  The season begins the day after Thanksgiving and goes until about a week into the new year.  Some of the traditions that we enjoy are shared with multitudes of people around the world, such as decorations, carols and the exchanging of gifts.  Some of them are a little more selective and specific to our family, such as watching Muppet Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve and the annual “No-Lip-Sync-Christmas-Song” that we do for our family party.

A tradition can be defined as “the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way.”  Looked at in this way, a man of style and substance might ask, “What customs or beliefs am I passing on?  What values are being encouraged and preserved in the activities and choices that are repeated from year to year?”  

For myself, I have been asking that question a lot this year.  I’ve been wondering about the gifts we give.  Like many families, Santa was a vigorous part of our Christmas celebrations while the children were little.  And while he continues to be present, he has begun to take a back seat in our observance.  However, his penchant for delivering toys, entertainments and amusements has not diminished in the slightest.  Toys, Games, Electronics, DVD’s and CD’s have been staple fare for our family for some time.  

Don’t get me wrong, I love all of these things.  They are a part of the holiday make up.  And I am not campaigning for their removal from the holiday pantheon.  However, I have found myself asking the question, “Is there something I can do to pass on a more thoughtful disposition?  Is the holiday of peace best celebrated by a first-person-shooter video game?”  I’m not the first to raise these questions, and I am sure I won’t be the last.  

I have, however, found an answer.  

This year, I will be giving books.

Oh, there will still be a Nintendo Switch under the tree, some headphones, a couple of DVD cases and the rest.  But the gifts that I am giving to my children will be books.  Not ebooks, valuable as they may be, convenient as they may be, but books.  Real books.  Books bought at a bookstore, selected from shelves full of options all positioned for my attention, purchased from a cashier at a sales register after standing in line with other shoppers.  Allow me to share with you the values that I feel this has helped me appreciate.

The first is gratitude, an appreciation of my place in history.  Less than 500 years ago, a book store like I enjoyed would be impossible of.  Even 100 years ago, finding a place full of books might require a journey to a large population center.  But this week, I simply drove a few miles from my house.  From the invention of the printing press to the evolution of modern transportation technologies, this is a magnificent time to live.  Climate control allows me to move among the shelves in comfort and ease,  and my purchases are brought home and ready to be wrapped.

The second is permanence, an appreciation for things that last.  A book represents an investment, a purchase in something that is not going to be consumed and forgotten.  A book is also something that requires space and time, not just to read, but to keep.  It becomes a physical reminder of the change that we undergo when we read.  A book is far more substantial than a plastic disk, and far more robust in many ways. Truly a book is a symbol of permanence.

The third is legacy, an appreciation for wisdom obtained and passed on.  Books are a wonderful source of entertainment.  I  have read hundreds for just that reason!  However, I have noticed that when I think on the books that I prize, the books that I recommend, the books that I quote from, I notice that they did more than just entertain me.  Books that make me think, that challenge my assumptions, that elegantly discuss the struggles of the human condition become something more than entertainment.  They become art!  They become a source of inspiration to me, helping me in my efforts to become more thoughtful, more compassionate, more patient with myself and with others.  In short, they help me in my quest to become a man of style and substance.

Traditions are a part of life on many levels.  During the holidays, some traditions ennoble and some entertain.  Perhaps in starting a tradition of giving books, I can start a tradition that does both.  Perhaps you will join me.  Feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments.  

Go forth and … Celebrate!


The holiday season is here, and we are bound to be flooded with articles regarding how to successfully navigate the holiday season. Most of them will center around gift giving advice, touting the latest gadgets and fashions as among the most desirable gifts of the season. No doubt, some of these articles on the internet and in magazines were prepared in part as reviews of new products and promoted advertising pieces. While there is certainly nothing wrong with all of that, this post is going to go in a decidedly different direction. Instead, this article is going to focus on how a man of style and substance might approach the holidays differently.


Certainly, one of the unavoidable expectations of the holiday season is found in the exchanging of gifts. Many cultural traditions have grown up around this practice, and they range from sublime to utilitarian. Being one who seeks style and substance can influence the types of gifts that one gives. Consider three categories: something made, something to be shared and something permanent.

Home-made gifts are sometimes seen as an effort to be cheap. This may be true, but it need not be. Many a baker has spent countless hours preparing a treat based on a family recipe and shared it with others. If practical, presenting the item prepared in or on a special holiday keepsake may add a powerful, personal touch. I am reminded of a coworker who brought a small cake in for many coworkers, each in a small holiday loaf baking dish. I enjoyed the cake, and I still have the dish.

If you are aware of a friends interest in a particular activity, presenting an invitation to attend that activity together may present a powerful expression of friendship while also setting the stage for making memories together. And the invitation need not be for something expensive. A simple meal before an anticipated book signing, a free museum or an inexpensive showing at a community theater may all cost far less than some gadget that may be broken or lost before the end of the holiday season.

Some of the finest gifts that I have received, both practical and whimsical, have had a measure of permanence to them. Books are a favorite of mine. They influence the life of the recipient long after the actual gifting event is concluded. Some I read once, others I return to often. Sometimes they are special editions, while other times they are simply a paperback. I have even been given blank journals as a way of beginning the year, something that stays with me the whole year through.


Holiday parties need not be a chore. Instead, they can be simple but meaningful. Most parties involve eating, and with holiday parties, this is particularly true. In that spirit, a man of style and substance may embrace the spirit by providing a simple meal that allows for more time spent talking and sharing time with friends and less on trying to impress anyone or taking too much time in cleaning up.

Additionally, the man of style and substance may opt for an activity party, like caroling, providing service or having a fire with warm beverages and donuts or muffins. For the man of style and substance, the holiday party is less a time for making a statement and more a time for connecting with friends.


All of the above perspectives can illuminate a man of style and substance’s approach to the tradition of greeting cards as well. Are you fond of people, but not of the tradition? Consider sending an electronic card through Hallmark or American Greetings. Both offer services where cards appropriate to the season and the disposition of the sender can be easily customized. Pictures can be attached, as can links to videos if one is so inclined.

As far as the content of the greeting, I will only suggest this: the greeting is about reaching out to others and letting them know that you care about them. While it may be appropriate to mention events that happened in the year, if they are truly a friend they probably know all about it already. But a an of style and substance will never give in to the temptation of using the holiday greeting tradition as an expanded facebook post.

Being a man of style and substance is not about the brands we wear, the restaurants we frequent or the balance in a bank account. It is about the way we handle ourselves during our various interactions with others. It is about emphasizing the positives in any interaction. It is about acknowledging that everyone encountered on a daily basis is striving for success, and that sometimes you or I may have insights to share along the way, but never in an arrogant or condescending manner. It is about savoring every good and uplifting experience available while also remembering that we cannot avoid being evaluated and judged according to the simple standard: do people feel better about life and themselves after spending time with you?

Hopefully, the answer will always be yes.

Go Forth and Conquer!

A Thoughtless Moment

I’m big on being thoughtful.  I believe that one of the most important things that we can do to improve our satisfaction with life in all of its facets is to be thoughtful.  Being thoughtful can mean many things, like taking the time to say something nice or render a small act of service to another human being in the flow of a busy day.  It can also mean being fully aware of the present moment to the extent that choices are evaluated before being enacted.  As a Man of Style and Substance, I strive to be both.

And some days I fail.  Miserably.

Today was one of those days.

In the interest of helping you to potentially avoid repeating my failure, let me share with you how it unfolded.

Without meaning to, our family morning routine has begun to include some less than helpful elements.  My two youngest children, aged 16 and nearly 13, are slow to rise, grumpy and combative about almost everything.  Getting up, eating breakfast, getting dressed, grooming for the day, gathering completed homework, being ready for the carpool, almost everything has become a battle.  Some days, these battles are handled with grace and humor.  Today it was for a while.

Then I blew it.

My daughter, expressing the angsty teenage comment of “I don’t see the point,” became the recipient of a flippant and poorly thought out remark.  A remark that I instantly regretted, hastily corrected, and apologized for.  

My daughter began moving, going through the rest of the morning, as did I.  My son then became the target of my momentary thoughtlessness when I said, “Your sister is parroting your behavior; we have to change that.”  

At that point I left for work.

And then I had a moment where I thought, “I wonder, what if that was the last thing that my son or daughter heard me say?”  I then thought, “What if, at some difficult point in their lives, the thought I just gave them was the one that came back to their minds?” 

I then had a thought that pushed me over the edge: “Is it possible they are both parroting your attitude?”

And I lost it.  

I had to pull of the freeway.  I began to sob, uncontrollably.  I felt pain in my heart and mind, so deep and so crushing that I could not function.  I cried and prayed and cried some more, and yet the sorrow lingered, indicting me with a view of myself as an awful example of parenthood.  I sobbed even more, as I called my daughter to apologize.  I told her over and over that I loved her, that I was sorry for being thoughtless, and that I hoped she could forgive me.  I called my wife to apologize for allowing a moment of frustration to produce a thoughtless expression that was potentially hurtful to our lovely little girl.  I continued to feel the sorrow of that moment as I apologized to my son for trying to make him the inspiration for her bad behavior.  I apologized the the other children in the house, our adult children, who may have overheard the exchanges.  Even now, the sorrow lingers.  

If I am being honest, this type of sorrow, the sorrow of having let my guard down for a moment and, in the process, let down my wife and children by not being a man of Style and Substance, cuts deeper than any professional failures, any missed business opportunity, any lost revenue or unpurchased  doo-dad, trinket or ticket.  This hurt goes far deeper and will take me longer to recover from, I think, than almost anything else.

But luckily, it is beginning.

I am fortunate to have a loving wife who comforted me and helped me find some perspective.  She reminded me that, while the moment was hurtful, it was tiny compared to the decade-plus of support, love and laughter that my children and I have shared.  She reminded me that she sees the intention of my heart, and that a momentary loss of composure is not an invalidation of a lifetime spent showing love.

I took the time to reach out to both of my children, reminding them of my love for them, apologizing for my thoughtlessness, and asking for forgiveness; this is a strength we are hoping to help them learn, and I am not afraid to model it for them.  So far, they are willing to look past my thoughtlessness this morning.  

I made a decision, while sobbing on the side of the road, that I would examine my attitude.  I made a decision to be more thoughtful about the way I face the morning, what thoughts I express, what type of example I give to my children of how to handle the challenge of daily life.  I made a decision to be more thoughtful of my words, choosing them carefully, using words that uplift and encourage and never allowing flippant or destructive thoughts to be expressed.  I made a decision to be just as firm in my requirements of them to get ready for school, but to be much more thoughtful as I spur them on to action.

As men of Style and Substance, let us each strive to be thoughtful.  For the absence of thoughtfulness, at least in my case, was crippling sorrow.  I would spare anyone that sorrow!  Be thoughtful!

Go forth and conquer!