With the advent of fall, I start looking at my wardrobe. Away go my shorts and out come flannel lined jeans. Sweatshirts and sweaters come out and linens and short sleeves start going to the back of the closet. This is a time of rotation, and I love it! It is a chance to rediscover old favorites and begin ramping up for chillier days and cozier nights.
As a man of style, it is worth thinking about some things that can be done to spruce up the fall wardrobe in preparation for the onslaught of darker, colder days. Permit me to mention five.
Out With the Old. There are two kinds of old things in every wardrobe. There is “Old Reliable” and “Old and Worn Out.” Sometimes it is easy to know which is which. Old Reliable is typified by the following
- The item is still in good repair
- You look for excuses to wear it
- You wear it as a comfort piece, especially on days you stay in
- It still fits you in your current body shape and type
If it is old and the opposite of these four things, it is probably getting close to Old and Worn Out. You need not throw it away, yet. But if you don’t look forward to wearing it, consider donating it. If you keep it because it still has life in it (and you hate it) give it away. Just because you don’t value it anymore doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value. Pass it on, and let someone else discover the joy of owning something new and special for them.
One New Shirt. I’m not talking about t-shirts, here. T-shirts are something that we all wear, but they are not what I think of when I think of wardrobe for most people. What I am talking about here is the kind of shirt that is worn for a reason. A new shirt for the office, for church, for a special night out is what I am talking about here. And one may be just enough, if it is the right one. Once a wardrobe has been established, buying lots of new shirts/pants/suits should likely never be necessary. But buying one new shirt/pants/suit may be just the thing that is necessary to put some new life in any wardrobe. This is when I look for the best quality at the best price and often find myself looking for something classic with a slight touch of flair. For instance, white shirts are always part of my wardrobe, but one with a subtle pattern to it might be something to splurge on.
Clean and Treat the Outerwear. Last year, toward the end of the season, my wife and children bought me a new mid-weight car coat. I love it. It fits my style perfectly. However, I know that it won’t shed water or snow yet. Last night, I took 15 minutes and applied a high grade fabric protectant to it. Now that it is waterproof, I am ready for any inclement weather that might arrive. I am preparing to do the same to my overcoat. Don’t wait for the weather to turn foul to prepare your foul weather gear. Additionally, I have found that the first few times wearing a recently cleaned coat or jacket can be a doorway to feeling confident and prepared.
Check the shoes and socks. One of the most neglected parts of the fall and winter seasons is the footwear. Now, not everyone is going to feel it necessary to have summer and winter socks, but doing a quick check to make sure that they are in good repair is easily done at the start of the cooler seasons. I do have summer and winter socks, and I have found that taking the time to bring them out early rather than late keeps my feet happy. I do the same thing with my shoes. I have two pair of boots that I wear throughout the cold, wet months and I have found that cleaning and treating them early leaves me ready to use them at a moments notice. Waiting, on the other hand, has seen me wearing them and hoping that I don’t ruin them because I was too lazy to treat them earlier in the season.
Versatile Layers. One of the things that I evaluate as I look at my wardrobe is how much versatility I have in the layers. Can I wear a sweater with more than one shirt? Can a vest be worn both casual and under a sportcoat? Are my pieces flexible enough that I can make them work for multiple outfits if I decide to travel and need to travel light? These may seem like minor things to think about, but a man of style knows that the details make and break the deal. I have one vest that I bought last year from a major retailer on a holiday sale that is dressy enough to wear for a nice party and rugged enough that it goes with me every time I plan to spend time playing outside. That kind of versatility is gold!
What do you think of these ideas? Share some of your own in the comments field below.
Most of us get to adulthood and look back on our lives and see a series of coaches. For myself, some of those coaches include
- My dad, teaching me how to catch, throw and hit a ball so that I could play baseball when I was growing up in Minnesota
- Grandpa Wente, taking the time to teach me how to shoot a .22 in the fields surrounding Hancock, the town where my dad grew up
- My first little league coach; I can’t for the life of me remember his name, but I remember always thinking that he was the absolute coolest guy in the world cause we got root beer after every game!
- My first professional level vocal coach who helped me learn the difference between making noise and singing
- A beloved mentor who helped me learn how to play games like they were real and play at life like it was a game
- An uncle who helped me learn that doing the right thing was great, but that doing the right thing for the wrong reason would only bring misery
As I started writing this list, my mind has literally been flooded with memories of other men (and women) of style and substance who became coaches for me in various things.
All of my coaches, regardless of the area of life that they coached me in, followed a pattern. As I have grown older, I have found that pattern to be repeated over and over as I have worked to develop new skills and improve existing ones. And while it has not been as easy to find coaches for relationship, family and professional development, the things I learned from those early coaches have allowed me to do some personal coaching along the way. I’d like to share what I’ve learned.
A word of caution. Embarking on a process of self coaching requires a level of self awareness that can be difficult. I have found real value in finding someone to coach me, especially when I am trying to make critical improvement in critical aspects of my life. A coach can provide an outside perspective on the activities or actions that need to be changed. But when I am trying to make less sweeping and disruptive changes, or when there is not quite so much on the line, developing and maintaining a dispassionate view of my own performance is something that can help me make progress. Perhaps this will help you as well.
Create a clear picture of success. Whether it was the bulls eye on the target 25 yards out or making a perfect two handed catch so I was ready to fire the ball to a base to stop a runner, there was a clear picture of success. My coaches took time to identify it, piece by piece, until the picture was clear in both our minds. If you are coaching yourself, writing something out with as much detail as possible can provide that level of clarity. Some will call this goal setting, and it might be that if the performance area that you are looking at is an athletic event or other kind of activity where simple accomplishment is what we are working for. But if the type of development being sought is the development of a relationship or the building of a team, it may look less like clear goal setting and more like purposeful day dreaming.
For instance, one of the things that matters a great deal to me is having a happy and supportive family. Sounds simple and clear cut, right? But when I took the time to put into words what that looked like, a future snapshot if you will, things were very different. I started building a picture in my mind of a family reunion where everyone wanted to be. Food on the barbecue, games being played, laughter in the air. The more concrete I made the picture, the more I became aware that it might never happen. But the point of the exercise was to identify the components that would lead to success.
Capture your performance. This is where you require one of three things: strong self awareness, an impartial friend or a phone with a video camera. Capturing perfromance, especially physical skill performance, is easier than it has ever been with the advent of cell phone technology. Whether it is a golf swing or a dance step, flagging down an observer and having them video gives you instant feedback.
If you are looking at any other area of performance, for instance soft skills at work, an impartial observer may be more practical. Sometimes just asking someone else to share what they see is enough to start you on the path to improvement.
Compare the performance with the picture. Pretty simple concept here, but sometimes a simple concept is a difficult process. Whatever hurdles must be overcome on this point, it is immensely worth it. For without knowing how current performance relates to the desired outcome, there is no chance for improvement.
Pick one item to improve on. Comparing the performance is important. And if you are like me, the comparison can sometimes be a little painful. After all, we are talking about something important to you, we are talking about the possibility of ego being involved in the equation, and we are very likely talking about a person who is having a hard time seeing anything other than the gaps. This is where I have found so much wisdom in the idea of attacking one thing and one thing only. Are you seeing five different aspects of your performance that you would like to change? Pick one. Pick the one that will be the easiest to see improvement in. Pick the one that most easily plays to your strengths. Pick the one that you are confident will yield the most benefit for the time that will be invested. You can answer these questions for yourself.
Create a clear picture of the improvement. Now we go back to the picture stage. Only this time, in addition to the overall picture of what we want, we are going to include the picture of the improvement that we are hoping to see. A little straighter drive, a little smoother jump shot, or remembering to ask one more question when working with a customer or an employee. Create a picture of the improvement that you want to see, and let that picture be something that you put in your mind frequently. The more you remind yourself of what you are striving to achieve, the more likely you will notice when you are making improvement in your performance.
Repeat As often as it takes until things turn out the way you want.
There you go. That’s the pattern. Use it!
Being a man of style and substance means many things, but two of them are relevant to today’s discussion. The first is that you understand that, while clothes do not make the man, clothes do matter. The second is recognizing that the best way to build a wardrobe is to avoid trends and clue in to classics. Today’s post has some suggestions that should help you do both. The questions that follow, and the perspective I will try to provide on each of them, is all about building a wardrobe worthy of a man of style and substance.
Before I get into the rules, i want to be clear, I’m not talking about the jeans and t-shirt portion of your wardrobe. There is nothing wrong with that part of your wardrobe. And while jeans and t-shirts are a major part of some designer’s fashion palettes, for most of us, jeans and a t-shirt are what we wear when working in the backyard or when camping or doing chores around the house or something else where the clothes are more likely to get damaged and dirty than they are to get noticed and appreciated.
Likewise, we aren’t talking just about suits. Again, a suit is a part of the wardrobe. But being a part of the wardrobe is not the whole of the wardrobe. Depending on the work you do, the profession that you have chosen, you may spend a great deal of time in a suit. You may not. Neither situation makes you a man of style and substance. That is something entirely different. But knowing how the wardrobe contributes to being a man of style and substance is worth knowing, respecting, and using for your benefit.
With that said, on to the rules.
Is it a replacement? The first reason that an individual should consider adding something to the wardrobe is that it is replacing something else. The reasons for the replacement can be many, from something being worn out to something no longer working with the other wardrobe pieces. Case in point, I had a tie that I picked up from a designer that I really enjoyed. It was a tie that I felt spoke to the interests that I had. It was like a silent statement that I was making about what I valued, who I was on the inside. It looked nice, it didn’t overwhelm the rest of the outfit (ever) and it was special.
Until it wore out. Everything wears out. This tie was no exception. It finally got to the point that it just was becoming old, threadbare and too badly worn to continue holding onto it. So I replaced it.
Is it meaningful? This goes somewhat along with the previous story. The tie that I picked up was one of the first real well made silk woven ties I had ever purchased for myself. It was a little bit like a rite of passage, proof that I was becoming more than a trend-chasing teenager, but a man, a gentleman. That tie meant something, and even though it was a little priceier than many of the other ties I had bought up to that time, and since that time as well, it meant something. That is plenty of reason to bring something of worth into the wardrobe.
Is it quality? Sometimes the best reason to bring something into the wardrobe is that it is a quality piece of clothing. I remember when I purchased a silk blazer. It carried a designer name, which spoke to its cut and fit. I knew that this particular designer made clothes that typically flattered my body shape and size nicely. But the jacket itself was exquisite. It had a great texture, both by touch and by sight. It was a piece that was going to last for years and wear extremely well without going out of style or falling apart with a little hard use. It was certainly a quality piece, and worth every penny I paid. It is still in my wardrobe, and I wear it about once a month, even today.
Does it fit your style? Sometimes I go through a store or a mall and something catches my eye. It just speaks to me, which I know sounds a little corny, but it is true. Some things just feel right, and when they do, picking them up is perfectly fine. Recently I was on a business trip and I found a shirt at a specialty retailer. It was a casual shirt in black with some detailing. I can tell you that I don’t need another black casual shirt. Ever. But this one was perfect. It was the perfect weight, cut, and detailing. It was from both a manufacturer and promoter that I appreciate and enjoy. In the end, I thought to myself, “This just looks like me.” So it came home with me in my luggage.
Is it different? Finding something new to add to your wardrobe is tricky. It can be a risk. After all, we have just talked about recognizing things that fit your style. But sometimes, especially if you are exploring a new direction for your wardrobe, finding something totally different is appropriate too. On another business trip I found one of those pork-pie fedoras that are so popular right now. It fit well, it was inexpensive, and it seemed like a fun purchase. Typically I have bought caps and a few wide brimmed cowboy hats. That has been my style. But this item, it just seemed like something worth picking up for the sake of difference. It spoke to a part of my personality that was coming to the surface, perhaps part of my maturing. Whatever the reason, it was certainly different. And it is in my collection now.
Approach from a standpoint of curation, not collection. This last one is a little harder for me to describe. It is about looking at the things that you are doing for patterns and departures. Do you tend to have a lot of dark colored suits? Great, now go out and find something a little lighter. Do most of your ties seem to be old rep stripe pieces? Great! Now go find one with a different theme. Curation is about deciding which of the other rules needs to be honored and which needs to be broken.
What do you think of these ideas? Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments below.
Being a man of style and substance does not need to be difficult or challenging. It does not need to be time consuming or require immense mental effort. In fact, when a man lives a life of style and substance, it should be both liberating and simplifying. Living a life of style and substance is really about learning to live in the sweet spot.
Have you heard of the sweet spot before? Most likely, you have. However, you have probably heard about it in terms of sports. Tennis, golf, baseball, football, even cycling and auto racing might be places where the term sweet spot is used. Regardless of the arena of activity, the sweet spot refers to a particular point where maximum results are achieved for the effort expended. Those results often take the form of distance, control or some other measure of performance.
Life has a sweet spot too. And living a life of style and substance, I believe, is all about finding it.
After much study and reflection, it seems to me that satisfaction in life has much to do with our relationships with other people, having things that we passionately work towards and pursue and, finally, the degree to which we are able to live authentically and in harmony with our highest values. To make these easy to remember (cause I’m a fairly simple guy, after all) I refer to these three areas as People, Plans and Promises. I know, that sounds awfully folksy, like an old John Denver song. But just because it sounds fairly simple doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have some insight that could be beneficial. Let me share what each of these areas has come to mean to me.
People refers to relationships. And not just the significant relationships, but the every-day and casual ones as well. Most of us try to take great care with some of our relationships while being quite careless with others. Interestingly enough, there is evidence to suggest that often we are kinder to strangers than we are with the people we care most about. Further, when in tense situations, I have found that, like many others, I have been guilty of being more thoughtful and measured with my responses to work colleagues than I am to my spouse and children. While this may be understandable (after all, family can’t fire you as easily as a boss can) it is certainly counter-productive.
What I am suggesting is that, if we are determined to live in the sweet spot of life, all of our relationships deserve equal care and concern. From your spouse to your right hand person at work to the janitor who empties your trash to the young person who bags your groceries to the person who opens a door for you out of the blue, every relationship deserves equal care and concern. That doesn’t mean you need to get everyone’s life story, but it does mean that thoughtfulness in how we treat and react to others should be consistent, not conditional.
Plans refers to the goals and systems of goals that we build to accomplish the things that are meaningful to us. I’m not talking about bucket lists, nor am I necessarily talking about engaging in a goal setting session where you plan out every detail of a project that saves the world from starvation. What I’m talking about here is a little more mundane, but perhaps more crucial. Plans, in this context, refers to the wisdom that “A goal without a plan is just a wish.” (https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/planning) There is a time for wishes, no doubt about it, but bringing them into the world of reality requires some kind of plan.
Setting huge goals to change the world will certainly require plans and planning to make it all come about. But making small improvements requires some planning as well. I remember a time in my life when I could scarcely get out of bed in the morning. Between injury and depression, all I wanted to do was sleep and hide from the world. But gradually, by setting small objectives and thinking through what was required to make those objectives achievable, I was able to overcome the inertia that threatened my entire life at that time.
Big or small, world changing or life changing, plans are required if one is going to live in the sweet spot.
Promises refer to both the spoken commitments we make to others and the unspoken commitments we make to ourselves. The promises here are often made in relation to the plans that are set in the previous step. They are almost always made to a person who is going to hold us accountable for our work or lack there of. If you want to live in the sweet spot, you have to keep promises. Big ones and little ones. This isn’t to say that others won’t understand when things are out of your control, or when you have done everything you can and things are just not coming together. People will understand. Some of the time. But if you develop a habit of not keeping promises, eventually it will become ugly. You can’t live in the sweet spot if you aren’t keeping promises.
In the overlap is the sweet spot. This is where great things really happen, and when it feels like they happen almost effortlessly. This is where you begin to notice momentum beginning to catch up with you, when it seems that things just fall into place. This is the place when you begin to reap the rewards of all the hard work put in along the way. This is where life becomes fun.
But you must remember, the sweet spot is dynamic. You don’t stay in the sweet spot on yesterday’s effort. You have to earn it daily. You have to be on guard. If you want to live in the sweet spot, you have to commit to doing these things every day, all the time. Yes, it sounds tiring, and it requires energy and commitment. But there is nothing better than living life in the sweet spot. And for a man of style and substance, there is no better place to live.
Do you remember the days of the coat check? Some places still provide them. You arrive at a party or event and there is someone waiting to take your coat to someplace secure. You get a tag, and on your way out you pick up your coat and provide a small gratuity for the service. It’s a little dated, but not uncommon.
The idea of the coat check was to leave something behind that would get in the way and be cumbersome or bulky or interfere with the event. Useful, and in cases where quarters are close, absolutely necessary.
But there are some things that should never be checked at the door. It doesn’t matter the party, the venue, or the company, there are some things a man of style and substance should never “check at the door.”
Manners – No matter where you are, “Please” and “Thank You” should always be a basic part of your life and should never be left behind. Ever. These basics of society used to be fore-gone conclusions, but today it seems that manners are ever on the retreat. Whether you are speaking with the host of the event, a fellow guest or even a member of the wait staff or the maintenance crew, treat them with courtesy. Just because you are going to pay someone to do something for you doesn’t give you the right to be rude, abrasive or inconsiderate and discourteous about it.
A Pen – This doesn’t need to be a flashy or showy pen; any pen will do. I actually often carry two pens with me, one in a shirt or coat pocket and the other (a smaller one) on a keychain. Carrying a pen is a mark of preparedness; you never know when you will have to sign something or you will want to jot down an idea. Also, it prevents you from needing to ask to borrow a pen (and all the accumulated germs that accompany the loaner).
A Small Wallet – Even if you are leaving the monster wallet at home, make sure that you keep something small with a few bills and one card that you know has room on it. You never know when you will get an opportunity to pick up a round of appetizers, drinks or a desert. Also, it is bad form to rummage through the pockets of the coat that was just returned to you for the tip for the coat check personnel. Have it in your hand, produced from the small wallet you have kept with you, and present it with your claim check.
Your Phone – There was a time a few years ago when I would have recommended a small notebook to go along with the pen. Jotting down ideas, names and phone numbers or email address is easier on the paper you keep with you than on a napkin at the table. However, the phone becomes even more useful for this. You’ve probably got an app for taking notes. And it is very easy to send a quick text with contact information, even if you just send it to yourself. However, remember that a man of style and substance will be conscious of the phone without letting it interfere with the evening. If you are a heart surgeon on call, by all means, check every text coming through. Other than bona fide emergencies from sitters, kids, and work, keep the phone in the pocket.
Your Character – This might seem like it doesn’t need to be said. After all, a man of style and substance is all about character, right? Yet I have seen instances where individuals have believed that the event they were attending somehow gave them leave to adjust their standards ever so slightly. And while they were certainly small offenses, even small actions built up over time have consequences. I try to remind myself that, no matter where I am, my actions in that moment are perhaps the only exposure that they will have to who I am and what I represent. And a momentary lapse in character can result in a lifetime of negative consequences.
What do you think of this list? Was there anything that I missed? Let me know in the comments below.
Spring brings with it one of the most treasured, and sometimes dreaded, experiences in modern civilization: commencement exercises! These moments serve as both punctuation and milestone. They are times for reflecting on accomplishment and opportunities for renewed goal setting.
I’ve attended many graduation exercises. Some have been for myself, some for friends and colleagues and many for students I’ve taught. The most touching have been for my children and other family members. As different and varied as they have all been, they have also had many similarities. They have been filled with celebration, shouts, dances, tears and thanks. They have also included words of wisdom offered by students and distinguished guests.
Much of that advice has been offered with earnestness and enthusiasm. Sometimes the presenters took themselves very seriously, sometimes not. In most cases, I believe the presenters were giving the informatiom that had proven to be particularly valuable to their personal success. I believe they wished that these ideas would be treasured, though most realized that the words wold likely be forgotten before the graduates changed out of their caps and gowns and the last strains or pomp and circumstance faded away.
That’s a shame. To think that a lifetime of wisdom would be shared and lost within minutes.
So today I wish to share some highlights from a recent commencement that I attended at Snow College.
You can accomplish far more than you think you can if you keep your focus on the next milestone. Jessica Guymon Cox was one of the student speakers. She spoke of the power of concentrating on the next goal, relating her educational and life success to experiences she had climbing in the mountains of Utah with her father.
Any life experience can be related to farming, even if it is only removing rocks. Bryce Wayne Sorenson was the other student speaker. He spoke of how his life as a farmer prepared him to be successful at school, both in the classroom and in the dorm room prank wars.
Special thanks go to my parents, who did all the heavy lifting associated with my success. Wayne Stoddard, one of the distinguished guests, spoke only briefly, but appeared earnest as he credited his parents with having set the stage for the success that he has enjoyed in his life.
Learning how to learn is the most important skill to learn in today’s economy. Lt. Governor Spencer and Abby Cox shared the podium, and the rest of the quotes are theirs. The Lt. Gov. began his talk saying that he was going to use a Winston Churchill quote, and then quoted “If you had one moment, one opportunity . . . ” immediately recognized as the into lines from Eminem’s Lose Yourself. He had my undivided attention from that point on.
Don’t buy into the idea that life is primarily about choices between polarized opposites; as Admiral Ackbar said,”It’s a trap!”
HONESTY should always rule your life and choices.
Find someone to fall in love with that makes you a better person, and thenjoy fall in love with them over and over again.
By the way, he did use a quote from Winston Churchill, closely related to the Eminem quote: To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.
The graduates who attended the commencement at Snow College may not remember thsee remarks, but I will. Hopefully you will, as well. And hopefully we can continue to share these through our words and our lives .
Go forth and conquer.